Long time ago...and what happens...

It's a really long time since I wrote anything at all here. A lot has happened since then. I have made some huge steps in my life and from now I am on my own after a long relationship and in to a new one. To be "disabled" a word that I seldom use, can be scarey when you are in to make big changes in your life. Like with everyone else, you know what you have but you don't know what you get, what to expect and what you actually can manage. And when you like me have more difficulties in life, then big changes is harder to go through. You just hope you will be able take care of yourself and get a life that is working for you.
Into my process I discovered something very quickly. If you are in a relationship it's harder to get what you need then when you are alone, even if you have the same needs.
I have been asking to get an extra wheelchair for many years, but that hasn't been working until now when I live on my own. Frankly I can't tell the difference. When I got my e-motion wheels( it's like an extra motor on the wheels that lessen the power I need to use to wheel myself with 50 to 80%) a couple of months ago then I couldn't get an extra wheelchair. So I had to manage to be able change wheels on my own and they are very heavy. I tried like twice and both times I couldn't almost anything more the same day. But now on my own, no problems to get the 2 wheelchairs I need. I didn't even almost have to ask for it.
Independency is wether you are in a relationship or not very important. I think that every human being value that very high. When you are "disabled"( oh the word came again...) you value even more the smallest things you can do by yourself. I also learnt another thing in this process of being my own....paperwork. Don't ask me how many papers I have copied and filled in and sent. And many times you send same papers to the same place BUT you have to send them in separate envelopes. I thought today in the computerworld we have, that papers would be less important. But seems to be the opposite that what is written and done online has no value. The same if you change adress and move somewhere else or if your family changes and you are into changing subscriptions. You call, get forms to fill in and get copies back.
So now I'm here and appriciating my life more then ever.
I'm right now thinking what's the next step in life is. What will I become in my adult life ?
So my next process is to find that out. It's giving me butterflies in my tummy, but at same time it's giving me a feeling of maybe I am needed somewhere. We all have a place where we are needed but have have to find out where....and I don't think it's to late in life for me.

Robotcare is that the future ?

One invention from Japan is to be tested in Denmark in the near future.
It's a new way to shower for those who can't manage on their own.
Basically you lay yourself down in a cabin. A showerrobot then takes care of everything.
The shower jets are adjusted after the persons form and size.
You don't anyone to help you out. This will be tested in Denmark in care for elderly people.
Great idea or not ???
+Great invention for those who has a social life and wants to be able to manage on their own.
+Less costs for personal
-Elderly miss maybe the only social life they have.
-If the robot breaks, who helps out ?
What do you think ? Do you want robots to take over the care in the future ?

The hunting is on !

Like so many others with disabilities I'm hunting once again. Right now I'm hunting new solutions in getting around. The manuell wheelchair has done what it can, now I need something more and better. This means that I need meetings and papers from 2 different places. If I'm lucky I can get what I need. If not I have to cut down on activities. I'm also doing another hunting. Getting all papers ready to apply for new hours for personal assistance. And when this hunting is done and I get all the answers I am soon off for a new hunting again. Cause from now you have to apply for new hours every singel year. That means that I have to get papers and meet people from 3 different places every year. Doesn't seem to be much of work right ? But it is ! If you get anything wrong in the papers, you have to start all over again. I guess that I don't have time to have a disability or a paincondition! I just wanna live my life the best I can and focus on getting most out of it. The extra stress in having to do the hunting stops me from living. I have not enough energy to focus on feeling as good as I can. My energy goes to the hunting. So when can I start life again ??

Where's my world ?

Where's my world ? Do I need a special world or a special place to belong ?
I'm in one of those phases, that comes from nowhere and freeze my life.
I can't think, I am constantly going back in old situations. And day and night is just questions and no answers.
There is no reason for me to be like this I tell myself. But though I am there.
Nothing is fun, nothing is boring, all just is.
I get irritated at those who just ran around in life, for whom life seems so simple and easygoing.
But I also get irritated on those who many times like me can't take the day for granted and have to decide what can they manage this week and what they have to skip.
I don't fully belong in any of those worlds. I'm in between.
Some days I get jealous of those who has a fully belonging to one of the 2 worlds.
I have limits in my own eyes some days and some days not. But I never know before when those days are.
It would be so much easier if I could be like the kids who is to their mom one week and the next week to their dad.
Then you know at least what to expect. I guess that I hate to live too much in the unknown.
I love spontanity. But lately that is not easy coming.
Don't take me wrong, I'm not depressed at all. I just want MY world back.

I'm the livin soul in a dead body....

I'm the livin soul in a dead body

I used to run but one day life ran over me
Always had fun and explored what life could be
I'd love my sport, run, kick and be in a team
Since then I taught, all is just one big dream

I'm the livin soul in a dead body

Now only my soul is left to give me all
A big dark hole, will I ever stop the fall
But I will never let go of the spirit inside of me
If I giggle a toe, that is also something to achieve

I'm the livin soul in a dead boy