The waiting process

My life is right now like a waiting process:
I wait for my home to get more like a home.
I wait for when to do surgery on my legs.
I wait for all those good moments(love).
I wait for to throw away my jacket and gloves.
I wait for when to know what to buy to my home.
That is just some of the waiting.
Meanwhile I try to live here and now....catch every second of life that never come back.
Everytime you breathe, you will never breathe that moment again...but you can keep the moment inside of you, remember the moment and make it living again.
It's often easy to say I'm going to live here and now. But we tend to always look at the clock for some reason. It's not always that we want to look at the clock. But life today forces us to do things we might not want to do. You can get stressed by sitting in a empty room hearing a clock just tick, doing nothing.
But for me that is a relaxing time if I can do that and noone wants or need my attention.
I just wish that was more often....I try to make space more often for that....but at same time that wouldn't be me....so maybe this is the reason I was born Gemini....2 souls in 1 body...:)

OH WAIT...I wait for my domain to be free for me again!!

and I still don't know what to do when I grow up...if ever.....

The truth about RSD/CRPS in other words....

I have a place that's all mine


where I'm the princess cool

where the golden magic shine

there's no place for a fool



You took a bite of my heart

but you never got my soul

I know you well from start

you were not prince the cool



I leave you on my doorstep

you were not my right man

you seemed to be the love

but you were not my fan



I love my prince the heat

he will always be mine

he will me better treat

he is my hot sunshine

My fears

The soul of my sun is tickling in your eyes


Always have I run in the darkness of lies



The ego inside of me was woken up by a fire

When my heart stop beat like a broken wire



I knew he was like a glittering glue to me

I just found the miracle in the love to be



Sadness was now covering me with inner fears

Disaster is letting them grow into big tears



Life is more precious for me then before

I must live and what life give me adore



Never give in and never give up I must fight

I must get back, get up and make heart light

What keeps us going....

Yesterday was one of those days when I realized, even if you are a good friend and a good familymember sometimes you just crasch and feel you have had enough. I took a break from everything and didn't do more then I needed, took some naps during the day...and you know what just because I let myself just be...today is another fresh day and I feel like a new human being.
Often we keep pushing and keep forgetting ourselves. Of course we are a part of the World a part of the Universe, but we are also ourselves and all unique with needs of our owns and to get our own needs is not being selfish. To be able be there for others we all needs energy that comes from inside of ourselves.
I get my energy from all the beautiful people that I have in my life. This is some words that I wrote some years ago....now it's time to finish this one and make it fulfilled:

WHY DO I CRY
LONELINESS-I WOULD DIE
FRIENDS SURROUNDED
NOT ABANDONED-I AM ALIVE!

Back again

After a long time being away from writing any but notes that I have saved, I have decided now is time to start writing more seriously. I have so much on my mind and so much I need to let out. I have truly discovered that coming up in my age being soon 46 is just another story then being 20 when it comes to relations. Some days there is frustrations just cause of that, other days the mind doesn't notice what was so hard the day before. But I do believe that inside of us the lust and the passion for having someone in life to share life with is just the same no matter age. Maybe we tend to get more careful with our hearts with age, just because life has taught us that broken hearts is not anything we want to have. And being reminded how much love can hurt makes us more careful in all we do. Sometimes maybe too careful. Love is just like everything else in life, if we stop follow what we want just out of being careful of our hearts, then maybe we miss what would be the biggest dream come true. Never stop following your dreams. It's only you who can make them become true. If you don't have the passion and the commitment, noone else will believe in you and do the hard work for you. That goes both for love, work, interests or whatever you dream about.
Take chances sometimes and step off the safe zone a while.
This is some words I wrote about love a couple of years ago:


A distance between souls, a gap, big, big holes


Relations that comes, beat,strikes and goes

Jupiter and Mars, man and woman that laughs

We are united forever in love, we are free souls depending on how

Love treat us bad and good, but stays in our hearts forever as should



Soul passion, soul lovers a reason to get together

United as one in love, separated as twice hurts dove

Soul passion, soul lovers we are one forever

Let's give our hope to love of united loving hearts



Love, love come on, come to me

Love, love hold on stay just to be

Love, love is a passion for us all

Conquer the soul and strike wall



Soul of me, soul of you

Soul of hearts, soul of two.

United forever in love



When love comes you hit a precious part

Never forget reach out and get the heart

Make love and let love come like love do

Hold on, feel and show that part of you

Cause love is all we need to make a pair of two



Soul of me, soul of you

Soul of hearts, soul of two

Forever and ever in love

Long time ago...and what happens...

It's a really long time since I wrote anything at all here. A lot has happened since then. I have made some huge steps in my life and from now I am on my own after a long relationship and in to a new one. To be "disabled" a word that I seldom use, can be scarey when you are in to make big changes in your life. Like with everyone else, you know what you have but you don't know what you get, what to expect and what you actually can manage. And when you like me have more difficulties in life, then big changes is harder to go through. You just hope you will be able take care of yourself and get a life that is working for you.
Into my process I discovered something very quickly. If you are in a relationship it's harder to get what you need then when you are alone, even if you have the same needs.
I have been asking to get an extra wheelchair for many years, but that hasn't been working until now when I live on my own. Frankly I can't tell the difference. When I got my e-motion wheels( it's like an extra motor on the wheels that lessen the power I need to use to wheel myself with 50 to 80%) a couple of months ago then I couldn't get an extra wheelchair. So I had to manage to be able change wheels on my own and they are very heavy. I tried like twice and both times I couldn't almost anything more the same day. But now on my own, no problems to get the 2 wheelchairs I need. I didn't even almost have to ask for it.
Independency is wether you are in a relationship or not very important. I think that every human being value that very high. When you are "disabled"( oh the word came again...) you value even more the smallest things you can do by yourself. I also learnt another thing in this process of being my own....paperwork. Don't ask me how many papers I have copied and filled in and sent. And many times you send same papers to the same place BUT you have to send them in separate envelopes. I thought today in the computerworld we have, that papers would be less important. But seems to be the opposite that what is written and done online has no value. The same if you change adress and move somewhere else or if your family changes and you are into changing subscriptions. You call, get forms to fill in and get copies back.
So now I'm here and appriciating my life more then ever.
I'm right now thinking what's the next step in life is. What will I become in my adult life ?
So my next process is to find that out. It's giving me butterflies in my tummy, but at same time it's giving me a feeling of maybe I am needed somewhere. We all have a place where we are needed but have have to find out where....and I don't think it's to late in life for me.

Robotcare is that the future ?

One invention from Japan is to be tested in Denmark in the near future.
It's a new way to shower for those who can't manage on their own.
Basically you lay yourself down in a cabin. A showerrobot then takes care of everything.
The shower jets are adjusted after the persons form and size.
You don't anyone to help you out. This will be tested in Denmark in care for elderly people.
Great idea or not ???
+Great invention for those who has a social life and wants to be able to manage on their own.
+Less costs for personal
-Elderly miss maybe the only social life they have.
-If the robot breaks, who helps out ?
What do you think ? Do you want robots to take over the care in the future ?